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I can’t take it anymore. I’m POA to my elderly mother who lives out of state and I have been dealing with missing information from people close to her who live in her town which is causing me a great deal of stress and currently I now have an IRA problem that was left to her as a beneficiary. I’m too exhausted to even go into the IRA right now as shes on Medicaid. I wish I had never agreed to this.
My mother does have a second POA. If I resign he is supposed to take over. I happened to mention to him about changing the POA doc and putting him as first POA and me as second POA but he didn’t seem very interested. I can print forms online resigning, have it notarized and sent out but I might lose second POA status.
I have gone through literal hell and back with this IRA and it’s not even over yet. I want this nightmare to come to an end.
How can I convince second POA to bounce to first so I can go to second?
Thank you for reading.

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Ask the elder care attorney about companies (of maybe they do this) that help with obtaining financial records and interfacing with Medicaid. It costs $, but why not, especially if she just inherited an IRA. Use her money for the service. Sounds like the inherited IRA puts her over the income /assets limit, and that restricts her from receiving Medicaid. You may need to use up that inherited IRA to pay her care for a few months or however long it lasts, and then reapply for Medicaid. I agree it all sounds like a major hassle for you being out of state (even being in the state). It takes a lot of time to obtain those kind of financial records, and usually people miss the Medicaid deadline, but then that other company will have to deal with it hopefully not you.
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Reply to ConstanceS
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Walkinthesun 1 hour ago
I hadn’t replied to your comment yet bc this is a really good comment, I’m going to ask if there is someone who can take over the IRA fiasco, Couldn’t an elder law attorney do that?
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Banks can be ridiculous to deal with. My boyfriend tried to close his Mom's bank account in an out of state bank. He faxed over the POA. They said he could only close it in person.

Guess what, we visited the little town with the out of state bank last week for my boyfriend's class reunion. Even in person they did not want to close the account. My boyfriend had his POA, his drivers license, and his passport. He has the same last name as his Mom. This is a really small town where the family had lived for 50 years. Every other person in the town would have known my boyfriend or his Mom. After 8 hours a supervisor called and they relented and closed the account. It was ridiculous he had to go through this.

Even my estate lawyer has problems closing accounts. Sometimes they withdraw the monies and leave $1 in the account when the banks are so difficult to deal wtih.
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Walkinthesun 9 hours ago
That’s awful. No doubt this will happen to me as well if I continue to stay on this horrific job assigned to me.
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I just contacted an elder law attorney to see if she can take over for a bit, I need a break as it’s affecting my physical and mental health. Incomplete info about the IRA that I have recently found out which is getting me in hot water with the county, incomplete info about my mother’s mail, bank problems and my mother refusing to go to the bank and etc There’s also a special needs trust involved. Basically everything is in disarray due to the distance and communication problems and lack of communication from people close to her. Missing info about IRA that I recently discovered. The county being difficult. Etc etc

It’s all just too much. If this elder law attorney can’t sort things out and fix this mess I will be resigning.
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Is anyone complaining about how you are taking care of mom and her estate?

if, so what are their main complaints?

if you are doing a good job, which I imagine you are, Stay The Course.

once you jump Ship, its sailing without you. And you don't want that.

You Are Absolutely Allowed To Feel Overwhelmed. BREATHE.

one step at a time.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Only Mom can make changes to a POA in making secondary first and you second. Is the secondary willing to take over at all?

Mom being on Medicaid, does that mean she is in Longterm care? Are you trying to get the IRA cashed in for her care? What problems are you coming up with? Will the bank not except your POA?
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Walkinthesun 9 hours ago
Yes, she’s in long term care. I’m trying to get it into pay out status so she doesn’t lose her Medicaid but have missed the ten day deadline imposed by the county but not for lack of trying and calling the financial institution where it’s sitting every single day for almost two weeks! I’m so done.
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You can resign as the primary but if the secondary doesn't have the willingness or competency to take over... it will be a mess for your Mom and she'll eventually get a court-assigned guardian if the secondary also resigns or doesn't step up.

FYI you won't be able to legally "bounce" to second unless it already has this in your current PoA document as an option. Once you resign, you're out. Does this secondary PoA live near your Mom at least?

It may be worth it hire a tax attorney or elder law attorney with Medicaid experience (one from her home state) to review the IRA situation and help solve it faster and fully.

I have been PoA for relatives who lived far away from me. I had to travel there at least twice a year to keep things on the rails. If you work through this issue without resigning you may want to move your Mom to closer proximity to you -- it will make being her PoA easier.

I'm sorry this is such a stressful situation for you, but it can be solved.
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Walkinthesun 7 hours ago
Thank you! I do hope it can be resolved.
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Look into: COURT SELF-HELP RESOURCES.
Custodial affidavit.
Legal guardianship of records
not sure if any of this helps you..
Talk with bank manager, and log everything . They'll probably tell you to call the special number to talk with someone in the Stale Accounting Department.
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It sounds like the bank is forcing you to jump through multiple loops to access the funds.,
I am assuming the account has been inactive for a few years.
You need to find out if the bank turned the IRA account over to the state in which the bank is located. Look up unclaimed properties in the state the bank is located. Type in the name of account holder. If the name pops up, the bank released it to the state.
Im probably telling you what you already know..sorry. I'm typing now,so I'll just finish it...
Get account holder's certified death certificate.
Have your form showing you are POA of mom.
You may need her doctor stating she is no longer capable and POA is now in effect.
You may need your birth certificate showing you are mom's child.
If the bank has not turned over the account to the state, you may need to go to court and file some forms and see a judge..
The bank may not disclose information to you until you get those forms or court documents..
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Walkinthesun 9 hours ago
Yes, I had been calling the bank every single day for 15 days, faxing POA papers, emailing POA papers that they continued to say they didn’t receive. I was also working on a deadline imposed by the county since she’s on Medicaid. Papers finally received on deadline date and it’s not over. I have to fill out two complicated forms just to get info. Waiting on harassing correspondences from the county now because of this situation, exhausted.
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people close to her... friends or relatives?
IRA meaning individual retirement account? Do you need the funds for mom's rent and care?
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Walkinthesun 9 hours ago
Her second POA was helping me, he lives in her town. Unfortunately, he quit helping me with her without telling me and now everything is a disaster.
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