I’m angry at my 95 year old mom, whom I’m the sole helper for. She lives independently, and I talk to her every day, and see her usually every other day. I recently told her that my 30 year old son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby, and that she currently is experiencing extreme morning sickness. My mom asked if they’re getting married; I said that I wasn’t sure. My mom is now being very critical and judgmental; and doesn’t want to hear about, or talk about the baby, his girlfriend or her sickness . Im angry with her and a bit hurt by this, although I told her i understood why she feels that way. She’s always been very opinionated, critical and judgmental. I’m now very angry with her and don’t even want to be around her, but I have to, to continue to help her out. Im a loving and supportive person, and regardless of her attitude, I will continue to support my son and his girlfriend, and help them in any way I can. Thoughts? How would you handle this? I will not let my son know about my mother’s toxic attitude towards this.
And you're angry with her for saying something you don't like? Don't let her have any control over your emotions.
She doesn't want to hear about the baby, just don't talk about it with her.
Be happy for your son and happy about the coming grandbaby. You don't have to share your happiness with a toxic person who will bring you down.
It makes me sad at times, but I definitely filter the topics that I will raise with my mother on a “need to know” basis. If telling her about something will only guarantee that I will be annoyed by her commentary, I leave it out. It would be hard to leave out that son and partner are having a baby. It will be her great-grandchild. But you could leave it to the bare minimum? Or leave it up to son.
The problem is you, not her: you keep expecting her to be someone she never was and never will be.
Expectations are premeditated disappointments.
Never talk about it with her, even if she brings it up. Change the topic. That's what I do with my opinionated, critical and judgmental 97-yr old Mother.
I agree that, at 95, she is from a different generation and has the expectation of them getting married, but I was just rather shocked by her harsh reaction and have been struggling as to how to process it. I thought that telling her about the morning sickness would bring out some compassion and concern, as it’s the severe kind that has her hospitalized and receiving iv nutrition, in this early pregnancy.
Im going to be there for my mom, and not bring the situation up at all, and continue to focus on my good life and continue to lend whatever I can do to help and support them.
maybe they will marry, but that’s not the current concern.
As or you helping her out. I was a homecare worker for a very long time before going into the business of it and can tell you that a rude, critical, judgmental elder is not rare. So, I'm going to tell you what I've told countless family members who are caregiving or helping out a family elder.
Caregiving only works when it's done on the caregiver's terms. Not the care recipient's.
You should lay down the law with your mother and set some boudaries with her. Tell her plainly that if she is unable to keep her toxic opinions, criticism, and judgmental attitude about your son to herself she will be left to herself because you'll stop helping her. I think you're right not to mention this to your son and his girlfriend. If she says something to them about it, that's for them to put her in her place. You don't let her get away with talking bad about your son though.
Also, congratulations on becoming a grandparent!
Please give us old ladies a chance.
I hate to break it to you but not everyone loves or likes babies.
There are some people that were never meant to be parents and possibly became parents through circumstances that were less than pleasant.
If someone says they want nothing to do with a baby or a child why subject the infant, child to that.
I have read enough posts here that break my heart knowing just a smidgen of what someone went through as a child growing up with a parent that was abusive, or apathetic.
If someone says they want nothing to do with someone or something take them at their word.
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