I just relocated my Mom to a gorgeous community - Life Care. She is in independant living... but if need be there is Asstd Living, long term memory care. Today I spoke to her after 8 days of her being there. My heart was wrenched. She sounded confused, larthargic, and she didn't want to talk to me. I called her 6 times during the day. I am fearful of her health/well being. Two days prior she had gone out with a group for dinner and she sounded ok. I have read everyone's comments. I don't want to hover over her 'let go' but I am concerned for her overall well being. How do you deterimine when to step in and when to pull back?
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I just moved my mother into an assisted living facility. She is 88 years old and mentally very sharp. What I have learned is that I must be sensitive to her increasing sense of a loss of control and that I cannot minimize the issues that she considers crucial.
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There are a lot of choices to be made in senior living arrangements.
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In response to the two comments above, it may be that your loved ones need medication for depression. I have in the past been against depression drugs, but a compassionate psychiatrist is working with my mom on mood balancing medications that are making a world of difference. My mom is not 'drugged' and sleepy, but smiling and socializing more than I can ever remember. That said, the FIL must agree. If not then you may have to just let him be and know that you have done all possible to help. Guilt brings its own stress to caregivers - let it go. And always there is prayer.
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My parents moved 6 months ago into a gorgeous independent living place....and they have just told me they are not happy. For one thing, "all these old people are so depressing." (My parents are 83 and 89.) They don't like to eat in the dining room because the people are annoying. So they take their meals back to their apartment. It's a much more manageable place than before and my mother no longer has to cook, but I think my dad is depressed and he's lashing out at my mom. I live 5 hours away. My sister who lives near them is out of the country.
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It's been almost 6 months since my in-laws moved into an independent living building that is simply gorgeous with full amenities. Today I found out that my FIL has been complaining, again, about how long it's taking him to adjust. And he said that he's too tired to take his wife out (she's got MSA). As far as I know, there's nothing medically wrong with my FIL. It's like he doesn't want to adjust and I'm getting kind of fed up about the bad attitude especially because my MIL loves it there. My FIL was depressed before they moved and I'm shocked and surprised that he's starting to behave this way again considering the family moved mountains for them to be in this building. My husband says that we've done all we can do and it's their problem if they don't socialize or take advantage of the activities. They're not my parents but I want so much for them to be happy because they're good people. I don't know if I should address this directly with my FIL or just leave it alone.
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