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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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I used to have PoA for my mother for over 12 years and managed her financial affairs whilst she was living in Australia. 4 years ago my sister who lives overseas came to visit her and took her ostensibly for a holiday for a few months, but it has now turned into a permanent stay. My mother who is now in her late 80's was diagnosed with mild dementia nearly 8 years ago and when taking her overseas my sister, without my knowledge at the time, took her to various banks to close her accounts and transfer my parents' savings out of my knowledge or sight. She also took my mother to her solicitor and made her change her Will in my sister's favour before taking her overseas.
Last year when my father passed away in an aged care facility my sister started talking about selling my mother's property in Australia and buying her a property overseas (in the middle east) - she claimed this was to secure her residency status as she was staying on renewable visitor's visa until then. When I resisted this move my sister took my mother to a local lawyer and had her sign a revocation of my power of attorney.
My contention is that my sister has been bullying, controlling, and orchestrating my mother's actions and coercing her for her own financial gain. Like my mother's cash savings which have all "disappeared" overseas I believe the money from the sale of my mother's apartment will also be taken overseas to be under the control of my sister, and when my mother passes away (likely within a few years) any remaining funds from the property sale will be well out of reach of Australian law and nothing will officially remain of my mother's estate.
I have challenged the revocation of my power of attorney and the signing of other legal documents by my mother on the grounds that she is suffering from dementia and is being unduly influenced, controlled and/or coerced by my sister for her own financial gain. The relationship with my sister, always a difficult one, has completely broken down as a result of this. My mother has been cutoff from virtually all other family members - including her grandchildren (my children) as a result of this situation.
The purpose of posting this is to highlight how easily an adult child can seize control of a weak and frail aging parent and completely take over their life and assets for the latter's own financial gain. This is particularly so when the aging parent is taken to another country where the legal system and institutions are much easier to manipulate and bribe.
I am a Long Term Care Ombudsman, an advocate for residents living in long term care facilities: Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, Certified Family Homes, and sometimes Sr. Housing. I've been an active Ombudsman for over 11 years. Many people, including family members and facility administrators, are confused about the difference between the meaning of POA (Power of Attorney) and Guardianship. POA is a document issued by a person to another person that gives permission to handle finances, sell property, etc. for the incapacitated person. It can be rescinded easily and reissued to someone else. If someone is abusing the POA and using funds or property for their own purposes, it should be reported to Adult Protective Services. Guardianship is awarded by a judge, when a "ward" can no longer make reasonable choices. Usually a family member is appointed and they have certain responsibilities and guidelines that must be followed. A Guardian can make choices for an individual, but most states allow that guardianship be least restrictive, meaning the "ward" can still have some reasonable choices. Guardianship is a last resort. A POA cannot keep other family members or friends from visiting unless the visitor poses a threat to the resident or other residents or staff. The facility cannot keep someone from visiting; that is a basic resident right to have visitors of choice. A POA cannot keep a resident in a facility against their will and cannot choose their activities. If a person is making really poor, unsafe choices, then it may be time to see an Elder Law Attorney about Guardianship.
Mom passed on 5-6-2018 I lived with her 14yrs I took care of her family of 9 and now to them I don't exist and thier taking over everything I even had to move out I'm so upset and sad
Impounding a parent in a nursing home is an expensive venture and will drain the estate quickly: It costs about $85,000 to $90,000 a year to provide care; Medicaid kicks in only when cash assets sink to $2,000 or below (depending on the state). Meanwhile if the parent requires around-the-clock care, the caregiver is cheated a livelihood and living their own life. This will impact their retirement years severely since Social Security is based on income..and if you are not making an income you end up in the dog house. If siblings wish to sue due to the absorption of the estate to provide care, let them. Turn around and bill them for all the years of uncompensated care, and if they do not want to pay sue them -- do as to others as they do unto you.
Punkbrewster, if your mother has asked them to bring them back, bring them back. And, if you like, decline to have anything further to do with it.
But how much hassle exactly is this involving you in? Do you live far away? Was it necessary, really, to distribute these eggs around many boxes instead of just one, adequately insured one?
There are two ways you can get this wrapped up.
1. You can persuade your mother to allocate the jewellery now and give it to its intended recipients now. That way, she can be certain of who is getting what, plus she gets to enjoy their appreciation and thanks in person or by letter. Plus then it's *done*, phew, and if she changes her mind later you can just shake your head sadly and say oh dear too late.
2. You take the things to her, you do an inventory, and you assist her to write a letter of wishes nominating beneficiaries, item by item. If she goes for this option instead, and God knows why she would but people *do*, then their nominal value will have to be included in the eventual estate - but at least you'll already have done the work.
But sequestering the items, even if they are in safekeeping, when she has asked for them is out of line. If they are undocumented, too, you will open yourself up to possible accusations of monkey business from both your mother and other interested parties, which you do not want to happen.
My mother asked me to take all of her jewelry (family/ inheritance) back home with me and after schlepping it home she is now requesting that I bring it all back; claiming that the attorney need to document the items for the trust. I was in that meeting however, and he told her to get rid of those family things ASAP so she WOULDNT have to document them. She is extremely materialistic and she was diagnosed with PSP in September. I’m not sure what to do—I am an only child and I immediately put all of the valuables into several safety deposit boxes here in my home town.
If they are competent, they can assign other people to be their durable and medical POA. Have a lawyer write up a new POA for them to sign with a notary.
Hey, I need some guidance, just came back from overseas and myparents can no longer care for themselves. My wife and along with my brother have tried to contact the rest of the family to see who has a POA, but no one is saying a word but I suspect there’s one because a nurse provided me a note in which one of the younger siblings stated they have a POA, but I have yet to see one. What Course of action can I take since the siblings who have POA have no interest in parents medical care or well being?
For the courts to cut someone out because of a bad relationship would be difficult for the court. They do not want to consider family squabbles or he said she said. The courts are required to follow law.
Thank you CMagnum and Countrymouse. I will tell him to look into contesting the estate (just a small house & small amount of savings), but not sure this was already handed over to his sister if she was POA. I understand the traditional process of children receiving their deceased parents’ financial wealth, but am not sure if this should automatically happen if the adult child was on bad terms with them.
Can any one help me please? My father has late stage Alzeihmers and is in a private care home. I am one of four children (2 boys / 2 girls) - Im the eldest boy. My eldest sister and younger brother both have powers of attorney (they are the wealthy 2 in the family) and believe these were done before dad was admitted to the home. Although very close to dad, staying with him for 1 week in 4 before becoming really poorly - I never questioned being given power of attorney as I was not living close and my brother lived round the corner. However Im not close to either my eldest sister or brother as indeed is my other sister. I had no say in putting dad into the home/location. I was told by Dad 2 years ago and by my brother that I was executor in his will and that his property/assets were to be divided equally 4 ways. There is now no communication between my eldest sister/brother and me despite my efforts to text/phone. The only good thing is that I have a good relationship with the Care manager so I can arrange specific dates to take dad out. I am semi disabled myself with and underlying chronic health condition and am concerned about my inheritance (Want dad to live for as long as possible but dont want the other two to misuse/take everything) and am worried for the following reasons: My eldest sister has dads credit card/bank card and has with made excessive withdrawals in past (prior to dads incapacity) The House although not up for sale (I believe dads income covers the costs of the home but not certain) has been left now for 14 months and is looking terrible - cobwebs/damp/grounds full of weeds (generally unkept) I just dont know what to do and have limited funds myself. I dont want the situation to arise that Dad leaves us and both my middle sister and I discover that the other two have misappropriated dads money /assets when we could have stopped it by intervening earlier. Can any one please help or atleast point me in the right direction so it can put mine and my middle sisters mind at rest. David M
If your grandmother didn't leave a will, then depending on how your grandmother's state approaches these matters your father probably will be entitled to inherit a proportion of your grandmother's estate. You can look up "intestacy in [State]" and find out there.
Is the estate likely to have been large enough to make this an issue worth addressing?
Um. Your father's entitlement isn't a moral issue, it's a legal and financial one. He has every right to investigate what the facts are.
Having said that. What do you, yourself, make of his interest in the hypothetical legacy when he had none in the elderly parent? - I confess this is purest curiosity on my part, nothing to do with the question.
I’m not sure she wrote a will. My father thinks he should be entitled to something, but I don’t know what the legal position is as he didn’t talk to her much in her last years or go to her funeral. He doesn’t speak to his sister either, who has probably organised everything.
I’m not sure she wrote a will. My father thinks he should be entitled to something, but I don’t know what the legal position is as he didn’t talk to her much in her last years or go to her funeral. He doesn’t speak to his sister either, who has probably organised everything.
Is a 67 yr old adult child entitled to any of his recently deceased mother’s estate when he didn’t like or care for her? His sister may have become POA and was close to their mother, but what is the legal situation? Can he get nothing?
My sister was the POA for my 97 year old mother who resides in a nursing home. My sister passed away suddenly and my nephew took over her POA. He refused to let me see my mother. My mother wants so see me. Due to a family squabble I am cut off from my mother. I am her only living child. My nephew notified the nursing home that I am not allowed to see or even call my mother. I was told by the nursing home administrator that I would be arrested if I step onto the property. There is no reason for them to keep me from my mother. An attorney want $5000. to fight this. I am 67 with limited income. Could not afford to do so.
My sister was the POA for my mother. My sister passed away suddenly and my nephew took POA. I have been black balled by my family for years. My nephew will not allow me to see my mother. I am the only living child. The nursing home says they will have me arrested if I come on the property. There is no reason for relatives to keep me from my 97 year old mother. Any thoughts?
My half brother, feels the need to take my fathers monthly income to replace the love they never shared. He steals my father's money month and because I'm the youngest and I live with my Father, I am trying to protect him from his own son. The sad part is my half brother is turning my biological brothers against me. So if I don't give him complete control of my father's financial matters, I will be shunned by my two biological brothers and I will never know what will become of my father's income, due to him only being able to have a certain amount in his checking acct. No one else questions him, but I will be forced to call Adult Protective Services on him, in order for my Father to have justice despite loosing the rest of my Father.
Appointing one favored sibling to be the MPOA and expecting the sister to provide total caregiving duties for over 10 years has been a financial challenge and created isolation for the caregiver. When the caregiver asked for support, the out of state MPOA stepped in and cut the caregiver out of decision making, convincing the mother that the older sister was incapable of making decisions. Does the caregiver have any legal right to insist on taking care of her mother as primary caregiver and advocate?
Hi I am living in Australia. I cared for my mother and my 4 children for many years, My eldest sister wanted my mother to come and live with her before she had a fall and ended up with a clot on her brain...she had already moved my mothers precious pieces like her fathers and Uncles War medals and old books down to her place before this happened (she only wanted her there as she would have been able to pay off her home). But as soon as the accident happened she wanted nothing to do with her. So she thought she could be put into care, I said no I will look after her as I have always done which I did. On occasion I would ask my brother or sister to take mum for a weekend. This would happen sometimes. But my sons wife and mother never got along so that would cause arguments, my sister became ill and could not do it. So they said that she could go and have respite at one of the homes. Now she has been left in there. I was asked to sign a paper while this was all going on by the facility, but I wouldn't because I knew she didn't want to be in there for good. So both my brother and sister signed the paper instead and are both very ill now. I have been taking mum away for holidays . But she doesn't want to be there and is not happy. I wanted my name down as POA as well but my siblings have said no? I do not understand why. While mum has been in the facility she has had money stolen by family members , she is not taken to appointments she needs to go to..she had growths that needed to be burn't off so while I have had her this time I had to take her to my doctor to have this done and get her meds fixed up as I said she could stay for longer, but her doctor would not fax any scripts through for me (I think this may have been arranged by my sister as the doctor had always been lovely to me. Things have happened to her while she has been in there and My siblings say that she should be staying there. Am I able to sort this out? They are both ill and do not want her anyway and they don'nt want me taking her away from the facility even though they aren't able to sort these things out for her safety and well being. I feel it has something to do with her furniture? Please Help.. I am in Australia and do not know if laws are the same in every country (I presume not). Hope to hear from someone soon thank you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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118 Comments
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When Family Members Feud Over Power of Attorney
Last year when my father passed away in an aged care facility my sister started talking about selling my mother's property in Australia and buying her a property overseas (in the middle east) - she claimed this was to secure her residency status as she was staying on renewable visitor's visa until then.
When I resisted this move my sister took my mother to a local lawyer and had her sign a revocation of my power of attorney.
My contention is that my sister has been bullying, controlling, and orchestrating my mother's actions and coercing her for her own financial gain. Like my mother's cash savings which have all "disappeared" overseas I believe the money from the sale of my mother's apartment will also be taken overseas to be under the control of my sister, and when my mother passes away (likely within a few years) any remaining funds from the property sale will be well out of reach of Australian law and nothing will officially remain of my mother's estate.
I have challenged the revocation of my power of attorney and the signing of other legal documents by my mother on the grounds that she is suffering from dementia and is being unduly influenced, controlled and/or coerced by my sister for her own financial gain. The relationship with my sister, always a difficult one, has completely broken down as a result of this. My mother has been cutoff from virtually all other family members - including her grandchildren (my children) as a result of this situation.
The purpose of posting this is to highlight how easily an adult child can seize control of a weak and frail aging parent and completely take over their life and assets for the latter's own financial gain. This is particularly so when the aging parent is taken to another country where the legal system and institutions are much easier to manipulate and bribe.
But how much hassle exactly is this involving you in? Do you live far away? Was it necessary, really, to distribute these eggs around many boxes instead of just one, adequately insured one?
There are two ways you can get this wrapped up.
1. You can persuade your mother to allocate the jewellery now and give it to its intended recipients now. That way, she can be certain of who is getting what, plus she gets to enjoy their appreciation and thanks in person or by letter. Plus then it's *done*, phew, and if she changes her mind later you can just shake your head sadly and say oh dear too late.
2. You take the things to her, you do an inventory, and you assist her to write a letter of wishes nominating beneficiaries, item by item. If she goes for this option instead, and God knows why she would but people *do*, then their nominal value will have to be included in the eventual estate - but at least you'll already have done the work.
But sequestering the items, even if they are in safekeeping, when she has asked for them is out of line. If they are undocumented, too, you will open yourself up to possible accusations of monkey business from both your mother and other interested parties, which you do not want to happen.
She is extremely materialistic and she was diagnosed with PSP in September. I’m not sure what to do—I am an only child and I immediately put all of the valuables into several safety deposit boxes here in my home town.
If they are competent, they can assign other people to be their durable and medical POA. Have a lawyer write up a new POA for them to sign with a notary.
I am semi disabled myself with and underlying chronic health condition and am concerned about my inheritance (Want dad to live for as long as possible but dont want the other two to misuse/take everything) and am worried for the following reasons:
My eldest sister has dads credit card/bank card and has with made excessive withdrawals in past (prior to dads incapacity)
The House although not up for sale (I believe dads income covers the costs of the home but not certain) has been left now for 14 months and is looking terrible - cobwebs/damp/grounds full of weeds (generally unkept)
I just dont know what to do and have limited funds myself. I dont want the situation to arise that Dad leaves us and both my middle sister and I discover that the other two have misappropriated dads money /assets when we could have stopped it by intervening earlier.
Can any one please help or atleast point me in the right direction so it can put mine and my middle sisters mind at rest.
David M
Is the estate likely to have been large enough to make this an issue worth addressing?
Um. Your father's entitlement isn't a moral issue, it's a legal and financial one. He has every right to investigate what the facts are.
Having said that. What do you, yourself, make of his interest in the hypothetical legacy when he had none in the elderly parent? - I confess this is purest curiosity on my part, nothing to do with the question.
If not, the estate goes to probate via the state who decides.
He steals my father's money month and because I'm the youngest and I live with my Father, I am trying to protect him from his own son. The sad part is my half brother is turning my biological brothers against me. So if I don't give him complete control of my father's financial matters, I will be shunned by my two biological brothers and I will never know what will become of my father's income, due to him only being able to have a certain amount in his checking acct. No one else questions him, but I will be forced to call Adult Protective Services on him, in order for my Father to have justice despite loosing the rest of my Father.
When the caregiver asked for support, the out of state MPOA stepped in and cut the caregiver out of decision making, convincing the mother that the older sister was incapable of making decisions.
Does the caregiver have any legal right to insist on taking care of her mother as primary caregiver and advocate?